Stepparenting and Blended Families

[Joelynn McIntosh]

I have heard over the years that single parenting is hard: financially, emotionally and so much more. I stand corrected. Stepparenting, by far, is THE hardest job one can have. Sure there may be the stepmom or stepdad out there who would have a difference of opinion, however on the whole I think most would agree.

When my boyfriend and I first decided to move in together I had thought this will make it easier, all the kids in the same school, same schedules, etc. I WAS WRONG. Please don't misunderstand me, I love my stepchildren; they each have their strengths and unique talents and personalities. What I have discovered is that my daughter and I are generally quiet, calm people with our own set routines, likes and dislikes and no matter what you do each person (and family) is different. Making two families one is a challenge (to say the least).

About two - three months into this journey the newness and fun of it all wore off. I found myself in the bookstores seeking out self-help books for Stepparenting and Blended Families. That wasn't much help, there were a handful of books and I walked out with Stepparenting for Dummies and Dare to Discipline (that one was for him). Neither of which have been read. I have sought the advice of those who have been there and done that and after all this I have concluded it takes PATIENCE, PATIENCE, PATIENCE. A virtue I have never had much of. I love my family. (I know I keep saying that as though I need to assure myself that indeed I do.)

A year into this we have been creating all new routines and likes and dislikes. I write this blog to reach out to those other families who are experiencing the challenges of making two families one; dealing with the other parent; clothes going back and forth and more often than not never coming back, yes especially the "nice" clothes; the sports equipment you can't remember if it is in one car or the other, one house or the other; and any other challenges I have yet to mention. So if you have anything to share, be it advice or venting, please do.

[Crissi Langwell]

We haven't done the cohabitation part of step parenting, and because we like our independance, we probably won't for some time. But because we aren't living together, we have agreed that being a parental figure to each other's kids is strictly off limits for now. So I can't relate on that portion. But I do know what it's like to learn how to step around each other as we are in close proximity a good portion of the time. Kids are the hardest. For me, I have decided that there is nothing scarier than a teenage boy who just might be my stepson one day. He's a good kid and has warmed up to my family well over the past year. But still, this is foreign territory for me.

And as far as missing clothes and sports equip at the other parent's house, I feel your pain on that one. You don't have to be a step to get irritated about that one!